July 19th

Today it must be a film festival for Rip. They're showing the Emporor's New School, the cartoon for Disney on the Cartoon Network. And they're playing Jackass #1 twice today AND showing the movie Dukes of Hazzard. A few days ago they showed Indecent Proposal again. Oh- and Wayne's World II! And I'm still doing the Game Show Network with Fred Rogan and Heidi Bohay.

Did you all read the review about the Gong Show? I've never seen such filth allowed on television. It was shocking, and it's on tv. It was just gross. They keep mentioning they're not using the former judges like JP Morgan and myself. Why mention that? So instead, they use a comedian who was arrested for indecent exposure and drugs last week? They missed the entire point of the fun we had on the Gong Show. It's just shocking.

Happy Birthday to Phyllis Diller and Lucie Arnaz.

Happy birthday to my good friend Glenn Casale!

I'm going to go see Valerie Harper at the Pasadena Playhouse and have meetings about my big show. I'll keep you posted.

Good luck to Peter Lowey in his new show at the El Portal theater.

Good luck to my friend Jim Bailey on the 9th and 10th of August, opening at the Henry Fonda Theater.

And to my darling Betty White. The academy is giving an award to her on August 7th. We'll all be there.

Lots going on, lots to tell. My knee is still bugging the hell out of me. Bu you know me. I don't complain. HAHAHAHA!!

Don't forget you don't get a second chance to make a first impression.

See you on TV!!

July 17th

I went to the El Portal theater opening of Debbie Reynolds' solo performance. She was gracious enough to mention me at the end of the show. As you know, we've worked together for over 25 years. Or is it 40? I gave her a note before the show backstage. I said, "I've never seen you from the front" (because I've always been on stage with her). It was lovely, funny and star-studded. She did Craig Ferguson's tv show last Monday. I didn't see it, but I got some calls saying she sure does a great Rip Taylor. ISN'T THAT NICE?

I did the game show network on the fourth of July. They're such lovely people. Heidi Bohay and Fred Rogan and the producers, director and crew have been so charming and so friendly. It's like a family. Hope to do more.

I'm off therapy now - mental and physical. Keep in touch, I'll give you more soon.

July 4th

I just finished doing 4 hours, again, as of two weeks ago I did four hours, and today's four hours from 8am til noon California time, on the Game Show Network with Heidi Bohay and Fred Rogan. We did The Breaks. It was a lot of fun. We shot off confetti cannons for the 4th of July.

Also, as of today, 80 people called me about eBay. Someone has put my photograph on eBay and it was going for $1,000. I almost pooped! I'll go to your house for $1.98! But it's true. I saw it with my own eyes. Another thing I can't believe is... remember my knee replacement? It's been 7 months of therapy, and it still hurts like hell. The doctor says to me "Well, we're all different." Well, isn't that sweet? Another thing that's shocking to me, as of July 1st, the government has forbidden using the cell phone in cars in California without a headset. But it's legal - and don't miss this - it's legal that you can text while driving, which takes TWO hands. And you think I'm kidding. That's nuts!

Watch out for medi-care. They're doing something strange on July 11th.

Also, Debbie Reynold's is opening in on July 9th for two weeks. As you know, we do an act together, so I'll keep you posted to see if she wants me to do it with her. You'll love her! PS: And us together, if it happens, since we've been doing it for years. As you know, sometimes money gets in the way. Keep you posted.

Sean Penn called my answering machine about voting for the Screen Actors's strike, which I hope does not happen.

I did my big, big, big show, private workshop reading for a few friends. Some of them missed the point. A workshop is not a performance. Just so when they read this, they'll understand. Because I got a lot of positive feedback and will do it again soon for a different audience. Keep in touch, lots to tell.

Vegas in August in a casino! Labor day in Spokane, Washington. More information about that soon.

And in the words of my darling Phyllis Diller, "It takes an irritation to make a plural. And every comic comes from that irritation." Which means, we've all had to suffer something, but we do not dwell on it. I love that woman!

In closing, if they'd cancel the death penalty in prison, there'd be more people alive today!

I'll see you in physical therapy! Usually I go to Honolulu in July for a month, but this year I think I may go later, after Labor day for Aloha Week in September and go to Las Vegas in July instead! We'll see. Keep in touch, love you all.

Hire my webmaster!

June 12th

I've been invited to go to the Tony Awards party at the Skirball Cultural Center on June 15th where Tommy Tune will be getting an award celebrating his 50 year career in show business. The award will be given to him by my darling Carol Channing.

On June 12th, coincidentally, I'm going to a book signing at the same Skirball Cultural Center where the legendary producer Walter Mirisch will be reading from his new book. Remember he did West Side Story and Some Like it Hot!

I'm working on my "Big Show." It seems to be coming along very well. I'll keep you posted.

I did the Game Show Network last week where my friends Ryan Tredenick and Shante and (legendary!) Burt Dubrow had me on with Fred Roggin and Heidi Bohay. In one of the breaks between the game shows, I threw a ton of confetti and gave away to a viewer who called in with the right answer, a new PT Cruiser. I'll have the pictures on the website soon.

I'm still going to therapy for my knee. It's coming along, but taking longer than I thought. I'll keep you posted.

I'm going to Vegas for a few days on business. It's another benefit.

I just had the Hillary Clinton boxed chicken for lunch. It was two small breasts and a left wing.

What?

More later!

June 2nd

Just got back from the Nutts for Mutts dog show and ran into my old friend Shirley Jones and her husband Marty. I had a ball. I took my darling Sherry Ritchie with me. We had a ball.

Tuesday, June 3rd, I'm filming for my dear friends at the Game Show Network Live, at their studio. I think between 9:30 and 11:30. I'm giving away a new car, which is the genius idea of my friend Burt Dubrow and old faithful, Ryan Tredinnick. We all go waaay back.

Went to a lovely dinner party at Galligan's house, my director, with Nancy Dussault and the Larry Gelbarts. We had a wonderful wonderful meal from Tuscany. Especially the Pici pasta and the salad was to die.

Doing a reading soon, everybody, before the end of the month. Keep you posted.

I've got a gig in Vegas in August, and the Indian Casino in Spokane at the end of August, beginning of September. More about that later. Obviously I'm getting better. Thank you all for asking.

The lease on my Jaguar is up. I'm looking to lease a new Cadillac. Any suggestions? I was told the CTS Big Engine was best. What do you all think?

Sorry to hear about Jimmy Fuhrmans mother.

Spoke to my dear Carol Propp in NY with my dear dear friend Ted Seifman. They're doing the Emmies this week in NY. Can't wait to see them both.

I apologize to my friends in Manhattan for not keeping in touch, but I'm better now than I was, meaning healing. I'll bring them up to date soon when I call them. Especially Alan Leider. And my Darling "Hello Dolly" Leslie Uggams, just back from Houston. They're still applauding.

Bob Nahaus is in Canne at the film festival on a huge yacht with money people, as usual. My darling Chita Rivera is in Washington DC area doing 5 weeks of The New Show "The Visit." Can't wait to see it.

We'll miss Harvey Korman and funny Dick Martin, who we loved so much. This is about all until I contact you again. Enjoy the new photos, and for God's sake, hire my webmaster. He's the best and a good businessman too. His name is Bill Horvath. Don't tell him, but the price is right.

May 19th

I'm going to ramble on, everybody:

About the show in Palm springs. I forgot to mention the finale. Not only was the show and all of the talent magnificent, the finale involved the band playing God Bless America, a ton of confetti falling - I wonder why - 50 flags, and don't forget... it was in an airplane hangar. As we're singing the finale song, Dick Taylor had the back doors of the hangar open and in came full propellers roaring on a B-29 airplane, 10 feet from the first row of the audience. Scared the poop out of everybody. You can't top that as a finale! To hell with the show, the plane stole it! Congratulations Mr. Ziegfield, I mean Dick Taylor and David Galligan. We then went to the Annenberg theater to discuss some business. I'll keep you posted on that.

Gloria McDermott, who runs the ARF show every year - the dog show - for the blind, and I, went to the most wonderful restaurant called "Blame it on Midnight" and had such fun, and great food. Then we snuck over to Blame it on the Moon, another great restaurant. I'm doing all this on Diet Coke. I haven't had a drink in 3 years. I don't know why. So anyway, after a while, I moved over to another hotel called Las Brisas and saw all of my old friends who live there. It was just marvelous. As you read before, I then took a limousine back to L.A.

Just rambling some more, so keep up with me: A few days later I went to Las Vegas. I didn't want to fly because of my knee replacement. All the metal would have made the alarm go off. I didn't want to do that. Although the flight was only an hour, it would have taken 4 hours to get there no matter how we traveled. So, I hired a driver. I asked for an SUV, but didn't quite get it. But Levi, a wonderful driver, got me there in 4, 4 1/2 hours. My knee really hurt from being in the same position all of the time, but it was better than flying.

I got there and checked into the Orleans hotel. Impresario Jimmy Emerson arranged the hotel at the Orleans for our wonderful entertainment director from the Stardust, Terry Jankins. It was wonderful and thank you both so immensely and your crew.

As soon as I got there I went to the coffee shop, because I wanted to pee. So we left at 9am from L.A. and got in at 1pm and I called my publicity agent for the Orleans, Jim Seagrey, and had a Diet Coke with him. Now it's 1:15 and I'm having breakfast at this coffee shop. Follow this closely: Every time I eat I play two numbers in Keno. Either 1 and 3 or 2 and 4. Nothing else. So for a dollar, it pays 12 bucks. Usually it comes in, and it pays for lunch. So there I am, having breakfast and 1 and 3 and 2 and 4 both came in. So now I have $24, so I decide to have lunch. I know I just finished breakfast, but dammit, I hungry! So then, I play the numbers again and 1 and 3 come in. Now it's 3:00 and I'm starving. So at 3:30 I order prime rib for dinner. I haven't left the table or seen the room or unpacked. Haven't pee'd. I've had 11 diet cokes, and playing my numbers over and over. I'm happy and as a pig in "it." I get paged over the loudspeaker system and it's my ex-wife Rusty calling, saying she's coming to Vegas. I had breakfast with her two days later, but I'll tell you about that later.

so, I check into the suite. It's lovely. I called the entertainment director form the newspaper, Norm Clark. Checked in with him and got all the dirt. Now, after that I check in at the swap meet. I make an appointment to see Brenda and Frank the next day. I had them repair the batteries on 20 watches. And then ran over with 16 wigs to Susan, the best in the business at Las Vegas Girl Wigs. So there I am, finally peeing. I get 4 more calls to plan the next day: My surgeon, Dr. Higgins, who is a genius and Nurse Mary. I set up an appointment for the next day to look at my knee. I cannot believe how many people are in the middle of the desert. You can't get a room. Everything's packed. But I digress. Anyway, my doctor is explaining my operation that I had 5 months ago (knee replacement) that still kind of hurts and I'm using the good leg to compensate, which is hard to do. Every step I take, my left hip clicks. I felt like a frickin' Spanish dancer. I went in the pool and the high tide waves came at me. He said it was a t-band and it will go away. I heard that for a month, and now I can't get rid of it. I thought it was the hip but it's not. You can't fool me. I know damn well it's the hip. Dr. Taylor has spoken! Now I get an x-ray on my right shoulder and he tells me I have arthritis in it... I don't ask any more questions, because he'll find other things wrong!

Well, I saw everyone I needed to see. The ones I didn't weren't available or in town. Anyway, we go to PF Changs and Jimmy Emerson takes us all to lunch, planning the show we're going to do with him in a casino, but more about that later. It will be such a hit. Now I go to the Omelet House, have my wonderful Rip's Chips Potatoes, named after me, and my darling favorite waitress in life, Val, the queen bee, and the owner Kevin introduces me to a new fruit drink that is supposed to really, really, really improve and help the problem of arthritis. It's on every network television show and it's called Acai. It's all fruit juices and berries and reduces inflammation and improves your cell membranes. And lots more, but I'm not a salesman. I'll let you know how it works.

So I bought four bottles and he gave me one. It seems it's also delicious.

Then I checked out to drive back to L.A. with Levi, in an SUV with plenty of leg room. But the seatbelt cut me in 1/2. So you can't win. But I would still prefer driving to flying.

Now I'm back in LA and reading a new book from Oprah Winfrey's list, suggested by my friend Christine Pedi. It's called "Eat/Pray/Love" Fascinating.

I start physical therapy again with Joel Sheer and his staff at Cedars Sanai with Li Der and his assistant, Bobby, and the girls who are wonderful. It's killing me, but I hope it's helping. So there I am, clicking along, the hand is starting to hurt again, but getting better. Everyone tells me that Ted Seifman was very ill and had a major problem, and they took him to the hospital. Now, I explained to everyone that the reason I don't return calls to most people is because when you don't feel well, you just want to heal. I think Ted has a problem in understanding that, but I bet this changes his mind. But I hope he gets better. I think he's losing security in my friendship with him but it's not true. I just didn't feel like talking to anybody. He doesn't quite understand that. I hope he gets a lot better. It was very touchy for a moment there for him, I was told.

More dirt: My friend Chita Rivera is doing a play called "The Visit" outside of Washington DC for 7 weeks. Bob Nahas informed me, as he goes to Europe again, on a yacht, thank you very much. I can't get in a kiddy's pool and he's on a yacht. So, I also read wonderful reviews about my darling Leslie Uggums in Houston when she did Hello Dolly at Jerry Herman's request. Brilliant and gorgeous. My friends in Houston went to see her and just loved her.

These are things that I'm planning June 1st, and have been invited to do:

I've been invited to be a judge by Mary Anderson Harris for the Annual Nuts for Mutts dog show on Sunday June 1st, where stars are judging the dog show. If my hairpiece winds, I'll keep you posted. Also, I've been invited to the Society of Singers Annual Show Presents The Award To Andy Williams this year and also Glenn Campbell, Petula Clark, and Steve Lawrence are all going to perform, at the Beverly Hilton. I'll take my darling Sherry Woodly with me. We go everywhere together.

Then I've been invited to the Academy of Motion Picture Art and Sciences' A Cinematic Odyssey, hosted by Tom Hanks in Beverly Hills.

Another one I've been invited to is "From Fanny Brice to Woody Allen to you." It's a fun lecture by Stan Felder, the juggler. Also, this month they are showing every movie Bette Davis has ever made, as a tribute and my old friend Robert Osborne is MC'ing.

On May 27th, my aim is to work for the brilliant, funny talented Judd Apatow. He's doing interviews at the writer's guild. I need to go and meet him so he'll use me in one of his next comedies.

I've been invited to the Key Art Awards on June 13th, presented by Hollywood Reporter. Because Judd Apatow is to receive the Visionary Award, I'll have to go to meet him!

I've got to go to the Playboy Jazz Festival June 14th at the Hollywood Bowl, don't I?

Jimmy Kimmel on June 21st, is hosting at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, an evening called "Taste for a Cure" foundation. I've got to go to that.

Finally, June 26th, An Evening At the Writer's Guild in Beverly Hills, honoring James Brooks, the brilliant director.

And a lot more kids, a lot more. I'm getting better. I'm going to take a lot of the old stuff out of this page, so it's all fresh. I hope to hell I get better soon, which is what I'm doing.

New pictures coming up!

May 5th

I just got back from Palm Springs. Doing a show for Charity called "Honoring Family Services of the Desert." It was a charity show that was sold out. It was magnificent, sensational and wonderful. It was classy. Anything produced by Dick taylor would be, and was. Especially if it's directed by David Galligan, my director. There were a lot of stars and we all performed. I did it because I was desperate to perform since the operation on my knee which had emotionally set me back. I needed to prove that I "still got it." Well, not only do I have it, I found it, I lost it, it itched, I scratched and I got it again. And I hope YOU don't catch it! Thank God the audience got it.

I stayed over an extra few days in Palms Springs to see old friends. Kay Vance, Gloria McDermott, Alpha One and lots of other friends. I got a massage - seriously, from a man who was totally blind and he was superb. I think because he could feel the spasms in the muscles, it made him more effective.
The day before I left, the mountain in the middle of Palm Springs caught fire and there was a 4.9 earthquake in Palm Springs. I took the limousine back and forth to L.A. and now home and planning to go to Vegas for my lawyer, my doctor, and to discuss a big job, oh - and especially the swap meet and Las Vegas girl wigs. And then I'll come back and do something important which I'll keep you posted on.

Have lots more to tell, and I'll do that when I get back from Vegas. I'm gonna see all my friends and all the shows. Jersey Boys just opened at the Polotzo, and there's lots more to do there as well. I'll keep you posted. I'm doing an interview on NBC right now to discuss the traffic and parking in L.A.

I'll talk to you all soon. Keep in touch. Onwards and upwards! Don't forget: You broke it, you fix it. And if you really want it, you bring it to yourself, because you're in charge.

April 23rd

Had a great time on the 17th when the Academy honored Don Rickle and John Landis. Jimmy Kimmel was the host and was with lovely Sarah Silverman and lots of stars and lovely people from the Academy of Arts and Sciences. Robert and Melissa, who run it as well as all of the bosses, couldn't have been more charming. During the evening, which was hilarious and jam-packed to the rafters, Rickles was really on. Halfway through the evening he mentioned that I was in the audience and sort of saved his butler's life. His butler was Harry Goins, and I saved him with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation at a party at Ann Margaret's suite when I was the opening act for her show. Harry just collapsed after hitting his head on the marble floor. Everyone panicked and without a beat, I went and gave him mouth-to-mouth until the paramedics came. They swore I saved him. Of course that was a major exaggeration, but I know it did help him until they came. Rickles mentioned that in the show because we're old friends and it happened so unexpectedly. For him to remember that after all these years was just very flattering and he made me stand up and take a bow. It was very flattering and everyone applauded and I was very happy. Pictures coming!

I'm leaving tonight to do another benefit for AIDS in Palm Springs on the 24th and 25th. I'll contact you when I get back, because on the 1st of May there's another tribute hosted by Robert Osbourne from TNT honoring all the works of Bette Davis. I can't wait to go to the Motion Picture Academy. I'll keep you posted on what's going on there!

April 11th

DEAR EVERYBODY! THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT WHAT I'M GOING TO LET YOU ALL NOW. I haven't mentioned this in 4 months because I didn't want everyone to worry. December 21st, I had total knee replacement in my left knee. It is still healing. I go to therapy every other day. I missed Christmas, New Year's Eve and my birthday. I was in the rehab hospital in Lake Balboa for a month. Mr. Monzone the head therapist, and the other therapists and nurses and crew and chefs were just magnificent. The head cheese, a young man named Eric, was just wonderful. My private room was very private. I went there after my Encino Hospital operation. After the month of recuperation, when I left the hospital, I could speak perfect Phillipino... because every attendant was Phillipino. And every morning when we're trying to sleep, they're yelling down the halls, about their parties the night before. And I'm yelling "English! Speak English!"

My first day of rehab in my home when the attendant came to help me, I reached for a pen. I'm going to repeat this: I reached for a pen with my right hand and ruptured a tendon in my right hand, just by reaching! (You can't make that shit up!). I was in a cast from my elbow to my fingertips for eight weeks. I'm still wearing a small brace on my right hand and just barely able to drive. I go to hand therapy on Tues/Thurs at Sedars and Mon/Wed/Fri I go to physical therapy for my left knee. I had to go to Screen Actors for x-rays and found my left ankle was a little numb and had to get orthotics, which as you know, affects your walking and clicking. I finally am getting to drive myself. I only make right turns and leave early.

I'm slowly but surely healing. I find that it's not depressing, but a little bit of negativity and insecurity snuck in during healing, and Florence Henderson sent me to a lady named Cheryl O'Neil. She's trying to help me over the hurdle and I think it's helping.

I went out socially twice to the Academy of Screen Actors in Beverly Hills and in the entire audience, eight people had broken hip or knee replacement surgery. It must be the medical flavor of the month.

On April 17th, I'm going to the Academy honoring Don Rickles and John Landis. Rickles and I started in strip joints in Wash., DC at the same time and graduated to Vegas. He moved to the main room of the Sahara, and I replaced him -like you ever could replace Don. Great memories.

Working on my big show. Keep you posted.

I'm doing another big AIDs benefit on the 25th and 26th with David Galligan producing in Palm Springs.

Lots of invitations and work coming in. Casino offers. I had to turn down an audition for a new drink from Kellogg's. Oh! I want to thank C.E.S.D. Pat Brady and Cathy, my voiceover people. They're simply wonderful.

So, we're still out there. I did Florence Henderson's new talk show, Live. I went to the Game Show network to discuss with Ryan Tredenick and Bert Dubrow over lunch at the Rita Hayworth dining room at MGM studios, and now back to therapy. Still getting better and better. I didn't mention it because everyone's got their own troubles.

Isn't Bill Horvath, my webmaster, wonderful? Write to him and get him some more clients!

I want to apologize to everyone since I haven't discussed all this news before, but I don't like to be seen limping, hurting and aching. I've avoided a lot of situations and people, but with no malice! You know how it is when you don't feel good... sometimes you'd rather be alone, you know?

Let's fill the ice trays and start all over again, like the Nuns do!